13 Tips To Understand Your Child’s Psychology Better

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A c c o r d i n g to e m i n e n t psychologist S i g m u n d Freud, b a b i e s are i n i t i a l l y driven b y instinctive a n d selfish u r g e s but g r a d u a l l y adapt t o a m o r e realistic a p p r o a c h by i m b i b i n g their p a r e n t s ’ values a n d rules. T h e s e play a role i n the d e v e l o p m e n t of t h e child’s c o n s c i e n c e .

O n e of t h e most i m p o r t a n t things t h a t you, a s a p a r e n t , should w o r k on i s understand y o u r child’s p s y c h o l o g y . No, y o u need n o t get a ‘degree’ i n parenting. W h a t you s h o u l d do, t h o u g h , is f i n d out a b o u t the s i m p l e things t h a t tell y o u what y o u r kid l i k e s or d i s l i k e s , what m a k e s him l a u g h or c r y , and w h a t motivates h i m or c a u s e s him m i s e r y .

H e r e , MomJunction e x p l a i n s y o u about c h i l d psychology a n d g i v e s tips t o u n d e r s t a n d what’s g o i n g on i n your c h i l d ’ s mind.

W h a t is C h i l d Psychology?

N e e d For U n d e r s t a n d i n g Child P s y c h o l o g y

P a r e n t s have t h e i r way o f interpreting t h e i r child’s a b i l i t i e s and s k i l l s , or l a c k of t h o s e . When y o u don’t u n d e r s t a n d your c h i l d r e n , you m a y misinterpret o r misjudge t h e m . Sometimes t h e s e misinterpretations c a n be h a r m l e s s , but m o s t of t h e times t h e y are n o t . Parents’ r o l e is k e y in a child’s p s y c h o l o g i c a l development. L a c k of a w a r e n e s s about c h i l d development c a n often l e a d to p o o r judgment o f children, w h i c h in t u r n leads t o poor p a r e n t i n g decisions.

A study b y Dr. B r e n d a Volling, d i r e c t o r and r e s e a r c h professor, U n i v e r s i t y of M i c h i g a n , revealed t h a t children a r e directly a f f e c t e d by t h e amount o f time a parent i n v e s t s in t h e i r development. H e n c e , it i s important f o r parents t o educate t h e m s e l v e s about t h e different a s p e c t s of c h i l d psychology a n d development s o that t h e y can c o n t r i b u t e meaningfully t o w a r d s the c h i l d ’ s emotional a n d mental g r o w t h .

T i p s To U n d e r s t a n d Your C h i l d ’ s Psychology B e t t e r

W e l l – k n o w n c h i l d psychologist J e a n Piaget s a y s , “ F r o m the m o r a l as f r o m the i n t e l l e c t u a l point o f view, t h e child i s born n e i t h e r good n o r bad b u t master o f his d e s t i n y . ”

P a r e n t i n g is m o r e than j u s t providing c o m f o r t s for y o u r children. I t is b e i n g there f o r the c h i l d emotionally, a n d providing t h e m a s e n s e of s e c u r i t y . Here a r e a f e w basic c h i l d psychology t i p s that w i l l help y o u understand c h i l d r e n better:

1 . Observation I s Key

O n e of t h e simplest, y e t most e f f e c t i v e , ways t o learn a b o u t child p s y c h o l o g y is o b s e r v a t i o n . Show i n t e r e s t in w h a t your c h i l d r e n are d o i n g or s a y i n g . Observe t h e i r actions, e x p r e s s i o n s , and t e m p e r a m e n t when t h e y eat, s l e e p , and p l a y . Keep i n mind t h a t your c h i l d is u n i q u e and m a y have a personality t h a t stands o u t , even a s he g r o w s . So a v o i d comparing y o u r child w i t h other c h i l d r e n , as t h a t not o n l y adds s t r e s s to p a r e n t i n g , but a l s o makes t h e child f e e l inferior.

D o ask y o u r s e l f a f e w questions t h a t can h e l p you u n d e r s t a n d the k i d s ’ psychology.

W h a t does t h e child l i k e to d o the m o s t ?

H o w does h e react w h e n he h a s to d o something h e does n o t like, s u c h as e a t i n g vegetables, s l e e p i n g early o r doing h o m e w o r k ?

H o w social i s he? I s he w i l l i n g to s h a r e or t r y new t h i n g s ?

H o w long i s the c h i l d taking t o familiarize h i m s e l f with h i s surroundings? I s he a b l e to a d j u s t to t h e changes i n the e n v i r o n m e n t ?

W h i l e you a n s w e r these q u e s t i o n s , remember n o t to j u d g e the c h i l d . Just o b s e r v e to b e aware.

2 . Spend ‘ Q u a l i t y ’ Time W i t h Your C h i l d r e n

P a r e n t s today a r e busy j u g g l i n g work a n d home. M u l t i – t a s k i n g , as t h e y call i t , allows t h e m to t a k e care o f many t h i n g s at a time, o n e of t h e ‘things’ b e i n g the c h i l d . If y o u have b e e n spending t i m e with y o u r kid i n this f a s h i o n , it i s time f o r a c h a n g e . If y o u want t o understand y o u r children, y o u need t o make t i m e for t h e m .

T h e time y o u spend w i t h your k i d s at t h e dinner t a b l e or d r i v i n g them t o school a n d back i s not e n o u g h . You m a y have t o dedicate t i m e to t a l k and p l a y with t h e m , and s p e n d quality h o u r s that a l l o w you t o understand t h e i r psychology.

C o n v e r s a t i o n s with y o u r kids l e t you k n o w what’s h a p p e n i n g in t h e i r life at s c h o o l and h o m e , what t h e i r favorite m u s i c or T V show i s , and w h a t gets t h e m excited a n d what d o e s n ’ t .

Q u a l i t y time n e e d n ’ t always m e a n talking o r doing s o m e t h i n g together. S o m e t i m e s you c a n just s i t together a n d silently o b s e r v e them t o gather s o m e insights a b o u t their p e r s o n a l i t y .

3 . Children N e e d Your U n d i v i d e d Attention

W h e n you p l a n to s p e n d time w i t h your c h i l d r e n , plan t o do o n l y that a n d nothing e l s e . Your c h i l d r e n deserve y o u r undivided a t t e n t i o n . If y o u try t o talk t o your k i d while y o u are c o o k i n g , driving o r doing s o m e t h i n g else, c h a n c e s are y o u ’ l l miss o n the m o s t important i n s i g h t s your k i d might g i v e you a b o u t himself.

P l a n at l e a s t one a c t i v i t y that a l l o w s you t o spend t i m e exclusively w i t h your k i d . When y o u pay u n d i v i d e d attention t o your k i d , he o r she f e e l s safe a n d validated a n d is l i k e l y to o p e n up t o you m o r e .

4 . Pay A t t e n t i o n To Y o u r Child’s E n v i r o n m e n t

R e s e a r c h has p r o v e n that a child’s b e h a v i o r and a t t i t u d e s are s h a p e d largely b y the e n v i r o n m e n t that h e is b r o u g h t up i n . To k n o w the c h i l d better, y o u should p a y attention t o the e n v i r o n m e n t he i s in (3).

R e s e a r c h also p r o v e s that t h e environment c a n affect t h e child’s b r a i n development, w h i c h in t u r n affects t h e development o f his l a n g u a g e and c o g n i t i v e skills. T h e link s p e c i f i c a l l y talks a b o u t home e n v i r o n m e n t in c o m p a r i s o n to a n y other ( 4 ) .

Y o u r child’s b e h a v i o r is l a r g e l y dependent o n the k i n d of p e o p l e that a r e around h i m and h o w they i n t e r a c t with h i m . Take t i m e to g a u g e the k i n d of a m b i a n c e that h a s been c r e a t e d at h o m e and h i s school. F o r example, i f your c h i l d is b e i n g aggressive o r is w i t h d r a w i n g from s o c i a l i z a t i o n , you m a y want t o know w h a t or w h o has i n f l u e n c e d the c h i l d to b e h a v e in s u c h a m a n n e r .

5 . Understand H o w A C h i l d ’ s Brain F u n c t i o n s

P a r e n t s may o f t e n know t h e i r child’s p h y s i o l o g y , but t h e y don’t k n o w how t h e child’s b r a i n works. T h e brain i s shaped b y the e x p e r i e n c e s that t h e child h a s , and t h i s in t u r n impacts h o w he r e s p o n d s to d i f f e r e n t situations.

U n d e r s t a n d i n g how a child’s b r a i n functions c a n help y o u learn a b o u t the k i d ’ s behavior, h i s decision-making, s o c i a l , logical, a n d cognitive a b i l i t i e s .

T h e wrong e x p e r i e n c e s can r e s u l t in i m p r i n t i n g negative r e s p o n s e s into y o u r child’s m i n d , having a n adverse a f f e c t on h i s overall d e v e l o p m e n t .

K n o w i n g how his brain w o r k s will h e l p you t r a n s f o r m negative e x p e r i e n c e s or m e l t d o w n s into p o s i t i v e experiences o r opportunities.

A c c o r d i n g to D a n i e l J. S i e g e l , author o f T h e Whole-Brain C h i l d : 12 R e v o l u t i o n a r y Strategies t o Nurture Y o u r Child’s D e v e l o p i n g Mind, you c a n help y o u r children b u i l d a s o l i d foundation f o r a h e a l t h y social a n d emotional life, and e n a b l e them t o handle d i f f i c u l t situations w i t h ease, b y understanding t h e brain’s f u n c t i o n s .

6 . Listen – Let Y o u r Kids T e l l You T h e i r Stories

T a l k i n g is g o o d , but l i s t e n i n g is i m p o r t a n t when y o u have a conversation w i t h your c h i l d . Initiate a conversation t o get y o u r child t a l k i n g and t h e n listen t o what t h e y are t r y i n g to s a y . Kids m a y not b e able t o express t h e m s e l v e s clearly, w h i c h is w h y you s h o u l d pay a t t e n t i o n to t h e words t h a t they u s e and t h e i r non-verbal c u e s as w e l l .

F o c u s on:

Tone: the w a y they s t r e s s a w o r d or p h r a s e .

Expressions: which t e l l you h o w they f e e l . Try t o gauge t h e i r emotions w h e n they s p e a k about s o m e t h i n g to u n d e r s t a n d if t h e y like i t , if t h e y are a f r a i d of i t ,or i f they a r e stressed a b o u t it.

B o d y language: watch o u t for e y e – c o n t a c t , how t h e y use t h e i r hands a n d the p o s t u r e .

N o t only s h o u l d you l i s t e n , but a l s o let y o u r child k n o w that t h e y are b e i n g heard a n d taken s e r i o u s l y . Acknowledge w h a t they s a y and r e s p o n d to l e t them k n o w that y o u understand w h a t they s a y . If y o u don’t u n d e r s t a n d , ask q u e s t i o n s for c l a r i t y . But b e careful n o t to t a l k too m u c h or a s k too m a n y questions, a s that c a n shut y o u r kid o f f completely.

7 . Kids E x p r e s s In D i f f e r e n t Ways

Y o u r children c a n express t h e m s e l v e s in m o r e than o n e way. B e s i d e s talking, k i d s express t h e i r feelings t h r o u g h activities.

I f your c h i l d r e n love t o draw, w r i t e , or a c t , encourage t h e m to d o that m o r e often. G e t them t o attend a r t or p a i n t i n g classes a n d help t h e m express t h e m s e l v e s better. Y o u can a l s o give t h e m different t h e m e s for d r a w i n g , without r e s t r i c t i n g their i m a g i n a t i o n .

L i k e w i s e , you c a n ask y o u r kid t o maintain a journal i n which t h e y can w r i t e about w h a t they d i d on a given d a y and h o w they f e l t about i t . The m o r e your c h i l d writes o r draws, t h e better h e gets a t expressing h i m s e l f .

T a k e time t o go t h r o u g h their a r t work t o get a n idea o f what g o e s on i n their m i n d s . Don’t r e a d too m u c h into i t , or y o u may e n d up d i s p l a c i n g your e m o t i o n s as t h e i r s and m i s j u d g e their f e e l i n g s .

L e t them e x p l a i n what t h e y are w r i t i n g or d r a w i n g and h o w they f e e l about i t .

8 . Ask T h e Right Q u e s t i o n s

I f you w a n t your c h i l d to s p e a k , it i s important t o ask t h e right k i n d of q u e s t i o n s . Initiate c o n v e r s a t i o n s by a s k i n g open-ended q u e s t i o n s , which w o u l d encourage t h e child t o share d e t a i l s .

I n s t e a d of a s k i n g “Do y o u like t h i s song?”, w h i c h warrants e i t h e r a ‘ y e s ’ or a ‘no’, a s k “What d o you t h i n k about t h i s song?”, w h i c h will a l l o w the k i d to s a y more.

I n s t e a d of a s k i n g who t h e y played w i t h , ask t h e m what g a m e s they p l a y e d . Let t h e m explain i t to y o u in d e t a i l s , and d o n ’ t cut t h e m off.

A l s o , never d o d g e the q u e s t i o n s your c h i l d asks. I f you d o not h a v e an a n s w e r to y o u r child’s q u e s t i o n , park i t and c o m e back t o your c h i l d with a response l a t e r . Brushing a w a y a k i d ’ s question a s silly c a n discourage t h e m from a s k i n g any q u e s t i o n s in f u t u r e .

9 . Educate Y o u r s e l f About C h i l d Development

B e proactive i n understanding t h e different s t a g e s of c h i l d development t o know h o w well y o u r kid i s faring. T a k e time t o read b o o k s , online j o u r n a l s , and s p e a k to a specialist w h o can g i v e you s o m e insight i n t o child p s y c h o l o g y and d e v e l o p m e n t . When y o u don’t k n o w what t o expect, a n y t h i n g and e v e r y t h i n g may s e e m alright o r vice-versa. D o n ’ t make w i l d guesses.

1 0 . Observe O t h e r Kids

S o m e t i m e s , observing o t h e r kids w h o are o f the s a m e age a s yours c a n also h e l p you u n d e r s t a n d your c h i l d better. T h i s can l e t you u n d e r s t a n d how y o u r child b e h a v e s in a social s e t t i n g and i d e n t i f y his s t r e n g t h s and w e a k n e s s e s that d e t e r m i n e his p e r s o n a l i t y . This d o e s not m e a n you c o m p a r e your c h i l d with e v e r y kid h i s age a n d pass j u d g m e n t on w h o is b e t t e r .

P a r e n t s tend t o ascertain t h e i r children’s p e r f o r m a n c e abilities b y comparing t h e m to o t h e r children. H o w e v e r , this c a n have a negative i m p a c t on t h e child, i n the l o n g – t e r m . While c o m p a r i s o n is n o t always b a d , it c a n be d a n g e r o u s when y o u overdo i t .

1 1 . Empathize – Step I n t o Your C h i l d ’ s Shoes

S o m e t i m e s you h a v e to t h i n k like a kid, a n d even a c t like o n e to r e a c h out t o them. E m p a t h y is a n important q u a l i t y that p a r e n t s should d e v e l o p if t h e y want t o understand t h e i r children b e t t e r . You m a y be a w a r e of w h a t your c h i l d r e n are g o i n g through w h e n they t e l l you a b o u t it. B u t you m a y not e v e n come c l o s e to u n d e r s t a n d i n g what t h e y are e x p e r i e n c i n g if y o u cannot e m p a t h i z e . Below a r e some s i m p l e ways t o empathize:

L i s t e n to t h e i r feelings; t r y to g a u g e what t h e y are g o i n g through.

U s e their l a n g u a g e to h e l p them u n d e r s t a n d you b e t t e r . Ask y o u r s e l f this – if y o u were a child, w o u l d you u n d e r s t a n d adult-like t a l k , with c o m p l i c a t e d words a n d expressions?

W h e n you d o n ’ t understand y o u r child’s b e h a v i o r , ask y o u r s e l f – h o w would y o u have b e h a v e d or r e a c t e d if y o u were i n your c h i l d ’ s place?

1 2 . What’s Y o u r Kid’s E m o t i o n a l Quotient?

“ W h a t a d i s t r e s s i n g contrast t h e r e is b e t w e e n the r a d i a n t intelligence o f the c h i l d and t h e feeble m e n t a l i t y of t h e average a d u l t . ” – S i g m u n d Freud

F o r a l o n g time, k i d s were n o t considered a s important a s adults. T h e i r feelings a n d emotions w e r e taken f o r granted, f o r it w a s assumed t h a t they’d f o r g e t all o f it w h e n they g r o w up.

N o w , we k n o w it i s not t r u e – w h a t a c h i l d goes t h r o u g h in h i s childhood h a s a s i g n i f i c a n t impact o n the k i n d of p e r s o n he g r o w s up t o be ( 5 ) . As a parent, y o u should n e v e r underestimate y o u r child’s e m o t i o n s , or h i s capacity t o manage t h e m .

E m o t i o n a l intelligence o r emotional q u o t i e n t (EQ) i s a p e r s o n ’ s ability t o identify, e x p r e s s , and c o n t r o l their e m o t i o n s . Children a r e born w i t h a u n i q u e temperament. S o m e may b e outspoken a n d proactive w h i l e others m a y be s h y or s l o w – t o – w a r m – u p .

A s a p a r e n t , it i s your r e s p o n s i b i l i t y to u n d e r s t a n d your c h i l d r e n ’ s EQ a n d do w h a t is n e e d e d to h e l p them g r o w into h e a l t h y , emotionally i n t e l l i g e n t adults.

1 3 . Don’t A s s u m e

D o not a s s u m e that y o u know w h a t your c h i l d wants o r how s h e feels a t any g i v e n point o f time. I f your c h i l d is n o t complaining, y o u may a s s u m e that s h e is h a p p y . You a s s u m e that y o u are a great p a r e n t because y o u r child b e h a v e s well i n public a n d does n o t throw t a n t r u m s .

W h e n you a s s u m e , you a r e closing y o u r s e l f to u n d e r s t a n d i n g your c h i l d r e n accurately, t h e r e b y making p o o r choices f o r your k i d s . Asking t h e m should h e l p clear a n y air o f doubt a n d you w i l l know f o r sure w h a t the m a t t e r is.

C h i l d h o o d Psychological D i s o r d e r s

C h i l d r e n acquire c e r t a i n behaviors, i n f l u e n c e d by t h e i r parents, f a m i l y members a n d the s o c i e t y . Most c h i l d r e n have m i n o r behavioral i s s u e s (6) s u c h as b e i n g adamant a n d rude o r lacking a t t e n t i o n . If t h e s e issues g e t complicated t h e y become d i s o r d e r s . Here a r e a f e w common p s y c h o l o g i c a l disorders i n children:

A t t e n t i o n Deficit H y p e r a c t i v i t y Disorder ( A D H D ) : Children w i t h ADHD d i s p l a y three m a i n characteristics: i n a t t e n t i o n , impulsiveness a n d hyperactivity. T h e y can a l s o be f i d g e t y , aggressive a n d excitable.

D e p r e s s i o n and B i p o l a r Disorder: Children w i t h bipolar d i s o r d e r tend t o have a b r u p t mood s w i n g s , long p e r i o d s of h y p e r a c t i v i t y followed b y lethargy, t e m p e r tantrums, f r u s t r a t i o n and d e f i a n t behavior.

A n x i e t y Disorder: Children w i t h general a n x i e t y disorder t e n d to w o r r y excessively a b o u t everything. E v e n the m o s t trivial o f issues t e n d to g i v e them s l e e p l e s s nights.

A s p e r g e r ’ s Syndrome: This i s a m i l d form o f autism. S y m p t o m s include l a c k of s o c i a l skills, d i s l i k e in c h a n g e of r o u t i n e and t h e familiar e n v i r o n m e n t , no e y e contact, u n u s u a l gestures a n d facial e x p r e s s i o n s , lack o f empathy a n d awkward m o t o r skills.

L e a r n i n g Disability: This i s psychological d i s o r d e r that m a k e s learning a challenge. S y m p t o m s include i n a b i l i t y to p a y attention, p o o r memory, p o o r coordination, i n a b i l i t y to f o l l o w instructions o r directions, a n d lack o f organization.

D i s r u p t i v e Behavior D i s o r d e r : Children w i t h this d i s o r d e r may t e n d to b u l l y others, i s o l a t e themselves f r o m social s i t u a t i o n s , destroy p r o p e r t y or h u r t animals d e l i b e r a t e l y , lie o r even s t e a l things.

E a t i n g Disorders:C h i l d r e n with e a t i n g disorders l i k e anorexia o r bulimia t e n d to h a v e abnormal e a t i n g habits. T h e s e disorders a r e usually t h e result o f obsessive t h i n k i n g about w e i g h t gain a n d physical a p p e a r a n c e . Symptoms i n c l u d e inability t o eat a n y t h i n g , vomiting a n d binge-eating.

Schizophrenia: Schizophrenia i s not a s common a m o n g children a s it i s in a d u l t s . Symptoms o f this p s y c h o l o g i c a l disorder i n c l u d e social w i t h d r a w a l , sleeplessness, l a c k of m o t i v a t i o n , drop i n performance a t school, d e p r e s s i o n , forgetfulness a n d strange b e h a v i o r .

I f you t h i n k that y o u r child d i s p l a y s symptoms o f any o f the d i s o r d e r s mentioned a b o v e , consult a medical p r o f e s s i o n a l immediately.

C h i l d psychologists w o r k on t w o primary t h e o r i e s

D e v e l o p m e n t in c h i l d r e n is i n t e r n a l , change i s innate ( n a t u r e )

D e v e l o p m e n t of c h i l d r e n depends o n their e x t e r n a l environment ( n u r t u r e )

E x p e r t s study d e v e l o p m e n t in c h i l d r e n under d i f f e r e n t contexts i n c l u d i n g :

S o c i a l context: how r e l a t i o n s h i p s with p a r e n t s , siblings, f r i e n d s , teachers, a n d significant o t h e r s affect t h e development o f a c h i l d .

C u l t u r a l context: how c u l t u r a l factors l i k e traditions, p r e s e t values, a n d guidelines t o life affect t h e child’s g r o w t h and d e v e l o p m e n t (1).

S o c i o e c o n o m i c context: how t h e social s t a t u s of t h e child, t h e class, lifes t y l e and a v a i l a b i l i t y (or l a c k of) o f financial r e s o u r c e s can a f f e c t the c h i l d ’ s development ( 2 ) .

T a k e The C h a l l e n g e

U n d e r s t a n d i n g the p s y c h o l o g y of k i d s c a n be c h a l l e n g i n g . If y o u have m o r e than o n e kid, t h e first c h i l d ’ s psychology m a y be d i f f e r e n t from t h e middle c h i l d ’ s , which m a y be d i f f e r e n t from y o u r youngest o n e s .

B e l i e v i n g that a l l children a r e the s a m e and u s i n g a o n e – s i z e – f i t s – a l l parenting s t y l e for y o u r children c o u l d misfire. I t might b e tedious a n d time-consuming, b u t understanding t h e p s y c h o l o g y of a child i s the m o s t important t h i n g that y o u can d o to n u r t u r e him i n t o a h e a l t h y adult.

C l i c k here t o view a n enlarged v e r s i o n of t h i s infographic.

W h a t do y o u do t o read y o u r child’s m i n d ? Let u s know h e r e .

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